5 Craziest Crimes of the Week

A fitting name on the police blotter and an ill-advised call to 911 are among the weirdest crime stories of the week:

• Guess Why Paul Stoner Got Arrested: The jokes are only going to get worse for the Stoner clan of Virginia. Police arrested 42-year-old Paul Stoner on, yes, marijuana charges. Pretty serious ones, too.
• Guy Calls 911 When Denied Sex by Stripper: There are some incidents that don't warrant a 911 call. One of those is when a stripper won't turn a lap dance into sex, a lesson learned by a disappointed 53-year-old man in Montana.

• Dad of 'Affluenza' Teen Accused of Posing as a Cop: Another strange turn for the family behind the infamous "affluenza" defense. Dad Fred Couch has been charged with impersonating a police officer in Texas. He even reportedly flashed a badge at real officer.
• How Not to Get to a Meeting With Your Probation Officer: On the bright side, 18-year-old Michael Johnson of Albuquerque made it to a meeting with his probation officer on time. Unfortunately, he did so by zipping over in a stolen electric shopping cart, say police.
• To Get Jailed With Beau, Woman Stole $4 Wine: Cops: Move over, Romeo and Juliet: Texas brings us the tale of star-crossed lover Alicia Walicke, who apparently missed her jailed boyfriend terribly. Her solution to their separation, as per the cops who busted her? Steal a bottle of wine.

Click to read about more crazy crimes, including an accused meth-maker turned in by her 7-year-old son. (More weird crimes stories.)