Rob Ford Officially Running for Re-Election

Good news, comedy fans: Rob Ford is officially running for reelection. Registration opened today for Toronto's 2014 mayoral election, and the unrepentant incumbent was the first major candidate to submit his paperwork, the Toronto Star reports. His slogan: "Ford more years." Yes, really.

When asked how voters could trust him in the wake of his crack smoking scandal, Ford said, "My track record speaks for itself. If you want to get personal that's fine. I'm sticking to my record, and talk is cheap." He then cited various accomplishments that, according to the Star, "were exaggerations or simply untrue." For example, he claimed he had saved the city "a billion dollars" (which is hundreds of millions off), and that he had the best attendance record on the council (he's actually below average).