Dear White People, You Can Have Santa

The latest, though probably not the last, word in Megyn Kelly's Jesus-and-Santa-were-white brouhaha: Arab-American comedian Amer Zahr lays out his case in Time that Santa was, in fact, white and therefore white people can have him. For example:

• "Santa has the complexion of an egg. He is obese, and he rarely speaks in complete sentences. Not only is Santa white, it also seems that he is from Mississippi."
• "Every year, he sits around his house making intricate gadgets with his imaginary assistants for 364 days. Then, he only visits his actual friends for one day. He is white for sure."

And there's the whole idea of "Master Santa" exploiting the work of his laborers. "As far as I know, those reindeer are not getting paid," Zahr says, and thus Santa is clearly a white guy. But Jesus? Sorry, but he was "from Palestine, not North Carolina," writes Zahr. He was most definitely not white. So congrats, Caucasians. You "can have the old, fat, white fantasy figure," allows Zahr. "But we’ll keep the olive-skinned, liberal, generous, charitable freedom fighter. We know much better what to do with him." Click to read his full column. (More Santa Claus stories.)