Harold Camping: Doomsday Is Definitely Friday

The end is nigh—no, really this time!—but don’t bother repenting. That’s what Harold Camping, America’s favorite doomsday prophet, is preaching these days. In a message on his website spotted by USA Today, Camping says that Oct. 21, “at this point, looks like it will be the final end of everything.” See, as he explains in this post, the rapture really did happen on May 21—that day marked “the completion of God’s salvation program.”

The prophesied “earthquakes” were really man-quakes, because man was made out of dirt in Genesis, and mankind shook with fear on May 21—get it? So anyone who wasn’t saved by May 21 “will be annihilated together with the whole physical world on October 21, 2011.” Still, Camping’s predicting a more modest Apocalypse this time. “I really am beginning to think … that there’s going to be no big display of any kind,” he said in a recent radio address, according to Time. “The end is going to come very, very quietly.” (More Harold Camping stories.)